House, MD: The Attempts To
by Boticelli Puzzle
Summary: So we’ve all read them. Those atrocious fics, those grammatically incorrect figments of imagination, which would offend and shame any fluent English speaker. Here's a parody. House&Wilson slash.
1. Get It Started

. NOTE: Don't report me for this; it is intentionally grammatically incorrect.

Author's Note: Hi!!! bOTiceLli pUzZle here!!! We should get started with an inane conversation with my alter ego. Hold on, boys and girls.

BP: OMG! It's another cute House/Wilson fic!!!

Muse: Duh. They're all you right.

BP: OMG shut up. You shouldn't be mean you know.

Muse: Meh. Well, this one, like all the others, will have:

Shy! House, Dominant! House, Secretly Worried! House, Hot! House, Passionate! House, Attempting Sarcasm! House, The Art of Being Clever is Dying! House, Unresearched Medicine! House….and finally, OUT OF CHARACTER!!! House. The last one being predominant, if you please.

BAD FIC

"House whats wrong" Wilson said. House was saying nothing and looking at the floor.

"House tell me right now why are you saying nothing?!?!" Wilson yelled.

Finally House said "I love you Jimmy"

Wilson gasped because he was shocked that House would ever admit his feelings usually he never did. He was also shocked because how could House feel the same way he did. "House I love you too" he said.

House smiled and said "Great so are we going out now"

"Yeah I'll be your boyfriend" Wilson sad.

"But we're both guys" House said.

"So I guess we're both boyfriends" Wilson said and they both laughed.

"See you later Jimmy!!!" House said and went back to his office. His team was working on a really complicated case that was taking them a lot of time.

"Hi House why do you look so happy?" Cameron asked.

"Wilson and I are going out" House said happily. Foreman and Chase looked disturbed and Cameron looked sad. "Aw come on guys you're not against gay people are you I mean this is the progressive state of New Jersey"

"I hate you!!!!!" Cameron shouted and ran out of the room crying. Chase ran after her to comfort her. (Hint, hint).

House and Foreman stared after them but didn't do anything. Chase was holding her and she was crying.

"I loved him" she said tears streaking down her face.

"I know" he said with his adorable Australian accent. "But there are other people who love you too you know Cameron. The world doesn't have to end with House"

"I know" she said sniffing. "Sorry. You must think I'm rly weak now or something."

"No I still think you are cool" Chase said truthfully. "Let's get back to diagnosticks."

"Yeah OK" she said and they went back.


	2. Put in Some Medicine

_Cuddy: Are you being intentionally dense?_

...YES, actually. I have to give some credit to those poor, misguided people out there. (Not that I'm much better). I never realized how _hard _it was to keep writing this. I mean, I read it and I shrivel in embarrassment! I recoil every time I don't touch the comma key after someone speaks!

I am in no way trying to offend anyone, especially anyone who writes despite aphasia or similar ailment. I AM trying to offend anyone who reads this and finds the characterization deep, meaningful and canon, the plot plausible, and the conversations with the Muse truly entertaining, not in the sense it's meant to be enjoyed. :D

To 3Jane: I tried. I tried. I'll try again. XD

BAD FIC

BoTICeLli PuzZle here!!! So heres another chappy of a House/Wilson slash!! So let's have another inane conversation with my muse!!!!

BP: Hi!!!

Muse: Your cheerfulness is disturbing me

BP: But I updated! Yay! All those people out there will give me lots and lots of reviews!

Muse: squeeeeee

BP: And we r gna totally give them lots of cookies!!!!

Muse: MY COOKIE

BP: Come on you have to share with teh good reviewers!

Muse: MY COOKIE

BP: Give! It! hits Muse

Muse: MINE! hits back

nasty little struggle

BP: Here are your cookies!!! Now R&R please!!!!

BAD FIC

"She has cancer" Cameron said.

"Thats not true she cant have cancer" Foreman said.

"Why" Chase asked.

"Because her husband already has cancer" Foreman said. "Look at her CT it clearly shows Hojkins"

"Do a blood test" House said sarcastically "I think it's a parasite"

"How can it be a parasite I cant see no worms" Chase said.

"Just do it" House growled.

His team left and Wilson came into the office. "Hey baby" he said putting his arms around his waist.

"Hey" House said. "Do you want to eat lunch"

"Sure" I said. So hows your patient" Wilson asked.

"Fine except for shes dying because she has a rare disease" House said. "I dnt rly know but I think maybe her grandma had with her brother's grandmas is it so its rly dangerous."

"Ohhhh" Wilson said. (Understanding a lot more than the reader, evidently). "Well I never said the diagnostick procedure was simple" he said laughing.

"Of course not Jimmy or else how why would I do it" House asked. His eyes were shining and they said I love you. (The human body is truly amazing.)

even though everyone could cee them they kissed and it was hot. "Ohmygod Jimmy"

"House you are the best kisser ever"

BAD FIC

A/N: My dear Foreman, 'Hojkins' (Hodgkin's) lymphoma IS cancer :D

it's cringe worthy, but it's not cringe worthy enough. The thing is I've read far too many brilliant fics with this pairing to be able to destroy it effectively. Harry Potter I could do. But I'm in a House mood right now…so maybe that'll come later.


	3. Make Love

A/N: So we've all read them

Disclaimer: I don't own Anderson Cooper or AC360. Ooh, boy. Now I've got you guys wondering. Dear Anderson: I'm sorry if I've sullied your hair (SHINY) by including you in this…"fic". xoxo

AUTHOR'S NOTE: OMG HI GUYS! I'M BAAAAAAAAACK! Sorry for the lateness!!

BP: Sorry guys.

Muse: You should be! Your poor reviewers!

BP: Here. Free money, everybody. (by the way, on a serious note – the Iraqi president and his free cash?!)

Muse: there you go.

BP: I noticed that House wasn't really sarcastic enough so I decided to make him more sarcastic. ENJOY!!

'cuddy im going to go home' house said sarcastically.

'but yo hav to work on ur patient' cuddy said angry because house never did his work.

'my leg hurts' house said sarcastically.

'oh ok then go home because otherwise it will hurt more' cuddy said.

'thanks' house said sarcastically. Actually he had just been kidding and just wanted to spend some time with his BF Wilson because they were really busy so they couldnt really find time to make out and stuff.

So they went home and they were watchin TV. It was the news. House said sarcastically 'look there is bombing in the iraq"

'it makes me sad' Wilson said. They were eating food – it was Chinese. 'although Anderson cooper makes it better."

'why is that jimmy' house said sarcastically.

Wilson shrugged because he didnt know. 'i don't know' he said.

House didn't say anything till he sed sarcastically 'omg jimmy you think hes hot'

Wilson blushed 'no id ont' 'yes you do' house said sarcastically and took pills because his leg hurted a little.

'god do you masturbate about him' house asked sarcastically. (We thank you for your frankness, House. You're just a beacon of truth).

'no house what embarrassment question kind is that!!" wilso was kind of mad that house said that because they were supposed to be going out and so had to sometimes since they were going out and they loved each other.

'you cant think other people r hawt if ur going out with someone' house said sarcastically.

Omg Wilson thought how did he know what I was thinking about 'house the only person I think is hot is you because we r goin out and stuff' he said because it was trued and everything he thought about and made it happy.

'wilson if you don't realy like me u don't have to go out with me you know

house said sarcastically.

'I love you house because you are my best friend' Wilson said. It was romantic under the stars and the open sky because it was.

'thank you Wilson you make me hapy" House said sarcastically. They kissed again and wilson licked every part of House's body while house teased his dick with his good leg and made him harder than ever other people made him and he wanted to have sex.

'house lets have sex'he said.

'are you sure that's a big step you know' house said sarcastically.

'im ready' wilson said and they made love in the night and it was hot.


End file.
